Boring Humorous Stories & Funny Anecdotes

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• British Jokes 11/03 11:40pm Msgs: 1

• CHINESE JOKES 09/01 07:38pm Msgs: 2

• Money 03/08 10:29am Msgs: 3

• Secrets of Indian Life - As seen by a Young man 10/26 02:03pm Msgs: 8

• This is Indian Life - Whole Story in Few Lines 11/15 07:59pm Msgs: 1

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PROUTIST UNIVERSAL (PU) is the organisation created to develop the Progressive Utilisation Theory (PROUT) first conceptualised by seer philosopher Shrii Prabhat Rainjan Sarkar in 1959. PROUT is a comprehensive social and economic concept that recognizes the physical, mental, and spiritual dimensions of human nature and as such provides a map for the holistic development of a truly progressive society. It is an alternative to Capitalism and Communism, neither of which has adequately met the physical, mental, and spiritual needs of humanity. While communism has severely restricted individual expression and human freedom, capitalism has widened social divisions with the unequal access to goods and services and the environmentally and socially destructive over-accumulation of wealth by a few.


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There should be maximum utilization and rational distribution of all mundane, supra-mundane and spiritual potentialities of the universe. (click here for details....)


There should be maximum utilization of the physical, metaphysical and spiritual potentialities of the unit and collective bodies of human society. (click here for details....)


There should be a proper adjustment amongst these physical, metaphysical, mundane, supra-mundane and spiritual utilizations. (click here for details....)


The method of utilization should vary in accordance with the changes in time, space and person, and the utilization should be of a progressive nature. (click here for details....)

Four Economic Policies of PROUT

Diversity is the law of nature and sameness will never be.
In any particular age the minimum necessities of all shall be guaranteed.
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The increase of the standard of living is indication of the vitality of society. (click here to read the detailed article on four economic policies of PROUT)


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Proutist Universal welcomes articles/news from all progressive writers and news agencies. Articles and comments on this site express the personal opinions of the author(s) and should not be understood as official positions or policies of Proutist Universal. Exceptions are the writings of Shrii Prabhat Ranjan Sarkar, the founder of PROUT, as well as our regular PU staff writers. To understand more about positions and policies of Proutist Universal, please refer to the writings of Shrii Prabhat Ranjan Sarkar as well as Articles on PROUT listed on the homepage.

By becky on Saturday, April 02, 2005 - 01:11 pm:

interesting. i read some funny jokes

By Gorgeous on Tuesday, March 15, 2005 - 02:45 pm:

Someone, somewhere is thinking different.

If you see someone without a smile, give them one of yours!

Be not so busy making a living, that you forget to make a life!

Message for those that care!!!

By Raja Bhattacharyya on Tuesday, January 11, 2005 - 04:53 pm:

The discovery of the century.

Tuesday, December 28, 2004
(MBN)--A sensational article has recently been published by a famous
journal form Naidia, called Naidian Journal of Enlightened
Superstition. The journalÕs editor Dr. Skreu Strongpaul has hailed the
discovery of an elixir from a widely available and sacredly divine plant
named ÔHizmeuÕ, the scientific name of which is Hymanojarvis
benagaliana.
Dr. Strongpaul is the corresponding author of the revolutionary article
published in the December issue of NJES. The title of the article is Ò
The discovery of an elixir from HizmeuÓ. Hizmeu is a widely available
plant in Naidia and is believed to be a divine one. Apart from its
divinity, authorities have been embarrassed for long about its use for
sanitary purposes by a group of vertebrates. A widespread
mishandling of Hizmeu by canine species have been brought to the
authorities notice. The special task force from Chandipur, the world
headquarter of the NJES, has been on a look out for ages to obtain
evidences to point finger at the neighboring country, named
Enlightenia, for possible sabotage. Naidia is in war with Enlightenia
since the beginning of civilization. NaidiaÕs efforts to find any link of
sabotage have so far remained unfruitful. To satisfy the citizen of
Naidia the authority had to come out with a more divine story about
why the canines are attracted towards the plant of such holiness. The
fictitious facts are well accepted by the never-enlightened society of
Chandipur. The name ÔChandipurÕ is historically new and has been
adopted from a famous play or something made by a famous person
or something from a famous land. The history is no more relevant in
Chandipur and people of Chandipur has long been known as the
master of history-burning. In spite of their reluctance to learning, the
tales of miraculous recovery from death by the Hizmeu extract has
become legends in the history of Chandipur. No modern
pharmaceutical company have ever shown any interest to produce
bulk quantities of the extract to sell to patients with illness that the
extract have been believed to cure. The reason for such negligence is
probably because of the lack of strong evidence. The legendary tales
about the authenticity of the accuracy of such extract have been
ignored by government and scientists, alike. A few research
laboratories around the world attempted to analyze the mode of
action of such well fiction-ed medicine, but the lack of enthusiasm
from Chandipurians have prevented the progress. Chandipurians still
believe that the medicine is accurate and requires rigorous precision
of time and place, for it to act. Wait a minute, didnÕt Albert Einstein
once proposed his famous theory of relativity based on time and
space? Wow what a miraculous coincidence. The only difference is
that EinsteinÕs theory is based on complicated experimental evidence,
whereas Chandipurians are known to derive their theory from fiction
or myth. That is a fallacy we can easily ignore. In spite of such
uncanny relationship with science and myth, scientists of Chandipur
thought of bringing some facts to the world to strengthen their
theory about the absolute medicine. The recent paper published in
NJES provides a real scientific meaning to their relentless endeavor.
The scientists in Chandipur took a giant leap to collect data to prove
their claim. The scientists went to every corner of Chandipur and was
startled to discover that one family in Chandipur, named Dupali
family has used the extract for generations and has been successfully
prevented deadly diseases from occurring in their family. The family
is a direct descendents of the famous Dupali Dynasty which ruled
Chandipur, known as Dupal at that time, for more than five hundred
years. Dupalis are still revered by modern Chandipurians. The lead
scientist of the published article, Dr. Asaliker immediately postulated
his theory of the extractÕs magical effect and performed few more
statistical analysis. He, for obvious reasons, has ignored the facts that
Dupali family has been a frequent visitor to the only medical
practitioner in the area whenever the symptoms went out of control.
Other than those few occasions, the elixir worked every time in the
family. A very intricate measure and analysis proved that another
1681 families in Chandipur have been using the extract and obtained
no relief from the ailments the Dupali family is known to be cured
from. Keeping it in mind that the total population of Chandipur is
12,683 and therefore, 1681 is a statistically insignificant number. The
scientists have emphasized that their theory about the accuracy of the
Hizmeu extract is undeniable because of the fact that the ONE family
has proven the rule. There are of course a contradiction that the 1681
specimen has proved the theory wrong, but according to Dr.
Strongpaul Òexception proves the ruleÓ. A point that is undeniably
stronger than any fiction. The readers are, as always, welcome to
derive at their own decision about the proof and exception. We are all
aware of the phrase ÒOne is manyÓ (donÕt bother about its placement).
The scientists in Chandipur proved it right one more time. What more
evidence do the world community require to realize that the extract
of Hizmeu is an elixir. There is no necessity to analyze the content of
the extract since it is an absolute medicine to cure every disease that
exists or existed in the world. The only thing that matters is when,
where and how the medicine needs to be used. You have to be either
related or acquainted with the family named ÒDupaliÓ. ONE family has
been cured by the magic of Hizmeu, why bother about 1681
specimen? A legitimate question and we all agree that One is a more
significant number than 1681. Although, ÒZeroÓ is considered one of
the most significant numbers in mathematics, lets not brag about this
now since it will be out of context. Both statisticians and
numerologists agree about the magical significance of ONE.
Chandipur has celebrated this discovery by honoring Dr.
Stronghold in a ceremony held at the Town Hall, yesterday. More than
thousand people attended the ceremony. The welfare organization of
Chandipur presented Dr. Stronghold with a felicitation. Dr. Strongpaul
and his team of scientists were awarded 10,000 buchr, equivalent to
$500, each. There was a small problem which security officials
responded and subdued. A scientist named Dr. Wy Wo in the team of
Dr. Strongpaul was not happy with the findings. According to Dr. Wo,
the findings are utterly insignificant. He wished to contradict Dr.
Strongpaul and his team membersÕ unscientific explanation about the
strength of the Hizmeu. Dr. Wo wants credible evidence about the
claim of the scientific team. People of Chandipur is astounded by Dr.
WoÕs skepticism. According to popular poll the number ONE has been
proved significant to ascertain the proposed theory. Dr. WoÕs feeble
protest remained unheard among the thunderous applaud of the
believer of Hizmeu. Dr. Wo was utterly humiliated, booed and even
pelted. Although the officers in charge prevented a massive
manhandling of Dr. Wo, he was severely hurt. I followed him to
understand his skepticism. I saw him dragging his tired body to
somewhere away from the crowd until he reached an elevation.
Dr. Wo, a devout admirer of Superstintopolis Renaissance, looked up
in the sky and cried out loud Òwhere are you Zeus Rampopulous,
where are you Issac Vuonarrati!Ó. The entire elevation is now
magically transformed into a dimly lit street of Superstintopolis! A
young girl is being dragged along the street to be burnt alive on the
pyre. People are calling her by a name. The name sounded like ÒsatiÓ
or ÒwitchÓ, hard to know. My illusion vanished, and to my horror I saw
a sea of people running upwards. They heard the name,
Rampopulous, they heard the name, Vuonarrati. They are in a
murderous mood. They wish to slash the vocal cord of the man who
dared to utter those names. These are the names of the
revolutionaries, who once took initiative to strip off the blind faith
from the citizens of Superstintopolis, a country found in ChandipurÕs
mythology. Those are the names of the people who wanted to pull the
ancient Chandipurians (donÕt know what they were called at that time)
from out of the dungeon of darkness. The modern citizens will fight
for their existence in dark. They will sacrifice their lives with all their
might to prevent the light of knowledge from entering the darkened
corridors, which they have adored forever. The fate of the enlightened
scientist remains unknown till date, some people believe that he will
re-surface again. But until now Chandipur remains in the darkness as
before with their enlightening discovery of the Elixir.

A report from Raja Bhattacharyya from MBN headquarter.

P.S. The names, places and events in the article are entirely fictitious.
Any resemblance with real life is absolutely circumstantial.


Writer: Raja Bhattacharyya, PhD
82 Maplewood Drive,
Maple Shade, NJ 08052

By Muskaan on Monday, November 08, 2004 - 05:08 pm:

Mere Marne ke bad mere logo yu asoon na bahana
agar meri yaad ay to
sidha upar chale aana!!!!!!!!!!!

By Bill (213.94.143.38) on Sunday, October 19, 2003 - 10:07 pm:

im not hindu im catholic but i think you people have a great RARE site here....just filled with fortunate anecdotes, these days thats hard to come across!

By kez!! on Tuesday, March 13, 2001 - 10:06 am:

ab waqt nahi hai rone ka
ab waqt hai bacha hone ka
us waqt kyon nahin roti thi
jab japiyan mar ke soti thi!!!

By Anonymous on Friday, March 24, 2000 - 08:06 pm:

Here it is the world of fools

New Delhi: He is the newly crowned 'King of Fools', an honour he accepted with grace and good humour.

Chowdhry Prem Singh, who had to ride a donkey in public after being bestowed the honour this week, said it made for a welcome break from politics. He also happens to be the Speaker of the Delhi Assembly.

"It's a kind of different feeling. Riding a donkey was ridiculous because I am too fat to ride a donkey, but I enjoyed the whole affair," said Prem Singh, who was crowned in front of his wife.

"But then many politicians and actors before me have been crowned with this honour. It's a nice break from the world of politics," Singh said.

Step into the world of fools at Fools' Corner in Bhagirath Palace, opposite the medieval Red Fort in the walled city area in the old quarter of Delhi, and what you will find is a sleazy movie theatre screening a soft-porn film, a cluster of small electrical equipment shops, a few rundown apartments on the second and third floors of crumbling buildings in a narrow lane, a big stage, a moderately big gathering and a greyish donkey.

Here, the 48-year-old International Fools' Conference is held on every Holi, the annual festival of colours.

This Holi was no different. Nor was there any fall in the number of regular visitors in the crowded lane where the fools' conference is held.

Started in 1952 by Yudhvir Singh and humour poet and journalist Gopal Chandra Vyas, the fools' conference was stopped in 1973 shortly after the death of Singh.

"I started it again from 1985 when I took over the reins of the whole conference," Ram Prakash Gupta, the chairman of the conference, said.

Gupta, who used to reside next door to the Fools' Corner as a teenager, says that "the festival has been a part and parcel of his life since 1954," when he was only 15.

Delegates exchange jokes and innuendoes and recite poems followed by the crowning of the 'Murkh Raja' (the King of Fools). Then comes a march led by the king riding a chariot drawn by a donkey.

"It is the unusual aspect of this conference that draws such a large audience. They come from all walks of life to participate in an evening of light fun and where we worship the innocence of life through a fool's mind," Gupta said. "A fool is someone who would never harm somebody."

By Rajesh on Sunday, October 04, 1998 - 01:40 am:

Titanic - the Indian Version

Have you ever wondered what would be in "Titanic" if the same was made in
Bollywood? The name of the movie would be "Goa to Bombay". Well here it
goes!

- Madhuri has to be Rose and who else but Sharukh as JJJJJ JJJ Jack.
Madhuri's fiance would be Gulshan Grover who mutters "bad man" everytime he
sees Shahrukh.

- Amitabh Bacchan would make a guest appearance as the Ship's captain and
would be waltzing with Madhuri during the party. Of course, he would not
die.

- Shahrukh will be travelling with his sister and 5 other chamchas from
college plus 50 extras who are well trained in every dance sequence in the
world.

- The movie would only last for 7 hours. Thanks to great piece of editing,
there would be only 22 songs in the movie out of 30 in CD album.

- The ship would be overflowing with extras whom you normally find in movies
that have a court scene full of people or a slum full of aam-janta. The ship
will start sinking, not because of the iceberg but because of excessive
on-board population.

- The infamous lovemaking in the back seat of the car would be replaced with
a song in the Swiss Alps.

- Best friend of Shahrukh will save his sister from being raped during
chaos. The sister will instantly fall in love right after this and she will
also get a song or two.

- Remember Rose changing her mind about jumping into the water ? In our
case, Madhuri changes her mind, since...since.. the ship is moving along a
creek and the water stinks!

- How can we forget the painting scene? Shahrukh would be painting Madhuri's
portrait with Madhuri fully covered minus the locket (censors yaar!). This
is to be followed by a dance number, with extras of course, in a art
gallery.

- Shahrukh would eventually find his long lost mom Aasoo Devi on the ship.
Only during the climax would Aasoo Devi tell Shahrukh about how Gulshan
troubled them. Shahrukh would then yell, "Kutte mein tera khoon pee
jaaoonga". The ensuing fight would only last for an hour.

- There would be an antakshari for the "drowners" conducted by Annu Kapoor
instead of the trio playing the violin.

-Most important!! The number of times the word "Bachaoooo" would be yelled
would be a record in the history of cinema.

And the masterpiece would be waste of time...ooops waste of money without...

-"Raaabert...Captain se ja ke kaho ke agar apni maa or bahen ko zinda dekhna
chahte ho to naav ko Hindustaan kee sarhado se hamesha hamesha ke liye
bahooot door le le..."

By Ray on Monday, October 26, 1998 - 03:41 pm:

That was so sad that it was not funny


Ray

By Riya on Wednesday, November 04, 1998 - 10:16 pm:

I really liked the whole plot...i guess u should advise the indian directors to work on it...would be a hit..no doubt....
lol

By Anonymous on Thursday, November 05, 1998 - 10:07 pm:

LAME!!!!!!

By FROM.CANADA on Thursday, November 05, 1998 - 11:01 pm:

VERY VERY FUNNY.I LIKED IT VERY MUCH.

By Anti-Imperialist on Friday, November 06, 1998 - 03:05 am:

What about the Indian version of Rosewood? Would it feature Aryans and Untouchables?!! Would Jon Voight be replaced by a Sadhu who just smoked a lot of ganja?

By Kamlesh on Friday, November 06, 1998 - 10:42 pm:

Funny, but shah rukh must have another heroine too, that's his style now!!!

By Sunny on Thursday, February 11, 1999 - 03:07 am:

The Titanic wouldn't sink at all - If it did all the Stars would probably swim to shore at the end of it to make it a happy ending !!!!

By Anonymous on Monday, March 08, 1999 - 09:18 pm:

Two gay men were visiting a zoo, when they found themselves at the
gorilla cage. The gorilla was sitting there with a huge erection. Unable
to contain himself one of the men reaches in to touch it. As soon as
his arm goes into the cage, the gorilla grabs him, and takes
him into the cage...slams him to the floor and thrashes him senseless.
A few days later in hospital the boyfriend visits and asks his partner if
he is hurt..."Hurt..Hurt.. You bet I'm hurt. He hasn't phoned, he hasn't
written..."

By Jupiter on Saturday, March 13, 1999 - 09:16 pm:

Tech Support Request -:) Humor (not to be taken seriously)

Last year I upgraded Girlfriend 1.0 to Wife 1.0 and noticed that the new
program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and
valuable resources. No mention of this phenomenon was included in the product
brochure. In addition, Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs and
launches during system initialization where it monitor all other system
activity.
Applications such as Pokernight 10.3 and Beerbash 2.5 no longer run, crashing
the system whenever selected. I can not seem to purge Wife 1.0 from my system.
I am thinking about going back to Girlfriend 1.0 but un-install does not work
on this program. Can you help me?

Jonathan Powell

Dear Jonathan Powell-
This is a very common problem men complain about but is mostly due to a
primary misconception. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 1.0 to Wife 1.0
with the idea that Wife 1.0 is merely a "UTILITIES & ENTERTAINMENT" program.
Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and designed by its creator to run
everything. WARNING DO NOT TRY TO: un-install, delete, or purge the program
from the system once installed. Trying to un-install Wife 1.0 can be
disastrous. Doing so may destroy your hard and/or floppy drive.
Trying to un-install or remove Wife 1.0 will destroy valuable system
resources. You can not go back to Girlfriend 1.0 because Wife 1.0 is not
designed to do this. Some have tried to installGirlfriend 2.0 or Wife 2.0 but
end up with more problems than the original system. Look in your manual under
Warnings-
Alimony/Child Support. Others have tried to run Girlfriend 1.0 in the
background, while Wife 1.0 is running. Eventually Wife 1.0 detects Girlfriend
1.0 and a system conflict occurs, this can lead to a non-recoverable system
crash. Some users have tried to download similar products such as Fling and
1NiteStand. Often their systems have become infected with a virus. I recommend
you keep Wife 1.0 and just deal with the situation.

Having Wife 1.0 installed myself, I might also suggest you read the entire
section regarding General Protection Faults (GPFs). You must assume all
responsibility for faults and problems that might occur. The best course of
action will be to push apologize button then reset button as soon as lock-up
occurs. System will run smooth as long as you take the blame for all GPFs.
Wife 1.0 is a great program but is very high maintenance.

Suggestions for improved operation of Wife 1.0
-Monthly use utilities such as TLC and FTD
-Frequently use Communicator 5.0

Tech Support

By shahab on Monday, May 24, 1999 - 03:58 pm:

All Gandhis are dead, Nehru is dead, Sonia gandhi - the italian babysitter who did schooling in England is leaving for italy, all others are too old, i dont know what will happen to this country - because, people dont count on me..because my health is also not very fine these days:)

By neelkamal on Thursday, June 10, 1999 - 11:51 pm:

Don't be fooled

One day while walking down the street a highly successful executive
woman was tragically hit by a bus and she died. Her soul arrived up in
heaven where she was met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter himself.

"Welcome to Heaven," said St. Peter. "Before you get settled in
though, it seems we have a problem. You see, strangely enough, we've
never once had an executive make it this far and we're not really sure
what to do with you."

"No problem, just let me in." said the woman.

"Well, I'd like to, but I have higher orders. What we're going to do
is let you have a day in Hell and a day in Heaven and then you can
choose whichever one you want to spend an eternity in."

"Actually, I think I've made up my mind...I prefer to stay in
Heaven", said the woman.

"Sorry, we have rules..." And with that St. Peter put the executive in
an elevator and it went down-down-down to hell. The doors opened and
she found herself stepping out onto the putting green of a beautiful
golf course. In the distance was a country club and standing in front
of her were all her friends - fellow executives that she had worked
with and they were all dressed in evening gowns and cheering for her.
They ran up and kissed her on both cheeks and they talked about old
times. They played an excellent round of golf and at night went to the
country club where she enjoyed an excellent steak and lobster dinner.
She met the Devil who was actually a really nice guy (kinda cute) and
she had a great time telling jokes and dancing. She was having such a
good time that before she knew it, it was time to leave. Everybody
shook her hand and waved good-bye as she got on the elevator.

The elevator went up-up-up and opened back up at the Pearly Gates and
found St. Peter waiting for her. "Now it's time to spend a day in
heaven," he said. So she spent the next 24 hours lounging around on
clouds and playing the harp and singing. She had a great time and
before she knew it her 24 hours were up and St. Peter came and got
her.

"So, you've spent a day in hell and you've spent a day in heaven. Now
you must choose your eternity," he said.

The woman paused for a second and then replied, "Well, I never thought
I'd say this, I mean, Heaven has been really great and all, but I
think I had a better time in Hell."

So St. Peter escorted her to the elevator and again she went
down-down-down back to Hell. When the doors of the elevator opened she
found herself standing in a desolate wasteland covered in garbage and
Filth. She saw her friends were dressed in rags and were picking up
the garbage and putting it in sacks. The Devil came up to her and put
his arm around her.

"I don't understand," stammered the woman, "yesterday I was here and
there was a golf course and a country club and we ate lobster and we
danced and had a great time. Now all there is a wasteland of garbage
and all my friends look miserable."

The Devil looked at her and smiled. "Yesterday we were recruiting you;
today you're staff."

By mast on Sunday, June 13, 1999 - 07:43 pm:

Heard about the blonde that got an AM radio?
It took her a month to realize she could play it at night.

By Editor on Friday, January 01, 1999 - 11:36 pm:

Why Guys Like Girls

1. They will always smell good even if its just shampoo
2. The way their heads always find the right spot on our shoulder
3. How cute they look when they sleep
4. the ease in which they fit into our arms
5. the way they kiss you and all of a sudden everything is right in the world
6. How cute they are when they eat
7. The way they take hours to get dressed but in the end it makes it all worth while
8. because they are always warm even when its minus 30 outside
9. the way they look good no matter what they wear
10. the way they fish for compliments even though you both know that you think she's the most beautiful Thing on this earth
11. How cute they are when they argue
12. the way her hand always finds yours
13. the way they smile
14. the way you feel when you see their name on the call ID after you just had a big fight
15. the way she says "lets not fight anymore" even though you know that an hour later....
16. the way they kiss when you do something nice for them
17. The way they kiss you when you say "I love you'
18. actually... just the way they kiss you...
19. the way they fall into your arms when they cry
20. then the way they apologize for crying over something that's silly
21. The way they hit you and expect it to hurt
22. then the way apologize when it does hurt.(even though we don't admit it!)
23. the way they say "I miss you"
24. the way you miss them
25. the way their tears make you want to change the world so that it doesn't hurt her anymore..
Yet regardless if you love them, hate them, wish they would die or know that you would die without them... it matters not. Because once in your life, whatever they were to the world they become everything to you. When you look them in the eyes, traveling to the depths of their souls and you say a million things without trace of a sound, you know that your own life is inevitable consumed within the rhythmic beatings of her very heart. We love them for a million reasons, no paper would do it justice. It is a thing not of the mind but of the heart. A feeling. Only felt!

This was sent to us as chain letter and warned that if you dont send to 5 more you will burn in the hells :)

By Dr Pepper on Monday, June 21, 1999 - 11:31 pm:

In an ancient monastery, a new monk arrived to dedicate
his life and to join the others copying ancient records.
The first thing he noticed was that they were copying by
hand, books that had already been copied by hand.

He had to speak up. "Forgive me, Father Justinian,
but copying other copies by hand allows many chances
for error. How do we know we aren't copying someone
else's mistakes? Are they ever checked against the
originals?"

Father Justinian was startled! No one had ever
suggested that before. "Well, that is a good point, my son.
I will take one of these latest books down to the vault
and study it against its original document."

He went deep into the vault where no one else was allowed
to enter, and started to study. The day passed, and it was
getting late in the evening.

The monks were getting worried about Father Justinian.
Finally one monk started making his way through the old
vault, and as he began to think he might get lost, he heard
sobbing. "Father Justinian?" He called.

The sobbing was louder as he came near. He finally found
the old priest sitting at a table with both the new copy and
the original ancient book in front of him. It was obvious
that Father Justinian had been crying for a long time.

"Oh, my Lord," sobbed Father Justinian, "it's not 'celebate
its 'celebrate'!!

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